I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize