I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
