I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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