I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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