youre lurking in front of me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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