yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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