I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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