your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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