i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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