I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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