don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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