My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
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