He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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