There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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