I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
