I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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