Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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