All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
