How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
