all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
