Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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