I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
