the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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