I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
