To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
