Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
