If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
