Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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