WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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