Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
