you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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