If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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