That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
