Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
