Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
