dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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