Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
