Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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