Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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