bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
