I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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