she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
