If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
