I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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