allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
