absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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