I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
