It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
