How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
