mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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