She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
