Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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