Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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