i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
