One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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