I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
