She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
