Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
