no, he came in my armpit
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
