yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
