Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
