Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
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Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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