woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
