Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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