There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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