Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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