Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
