it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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