He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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