i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
