What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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