Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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