You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
