I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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